Bulemia

A while back a man who became very close to me aproached me and the very first words from him were, "Are you vain?". I was startled but replied that beauty is not something truly seen when people care too much about their looks and no, I am not vain. There was a point where vanity was drilled into my head, out of illness and necesity.
    My boyfriend from junior to senior year in high school was a young man who I cared for very much. After I graduated I moved in with him and his mother, as well as other strays she took in. At one point we became limited, and I, trying to make sure others ate, gave food to the others rather than myself. I would have a piece of bread with peanut butter while I made my boyfriend a sandwich. I would sneak food at work so I had something more to go off of for the day, but eventually even my mother would comment how skinny I was becoming.
After that point my boyfriend became more and more angry. I stopped eating all together or what I did eat I couldn't stomach after that for fear of him thinking me ugly and leaving me. I started throwing up almost every meal. I became bulemic and started to worry I was never pretty enough for any man. Well, I learned after that relationship that I was very pretty but guys still came and went. I was crazy, ugly, and fat. Purge after purge, binging just to make myself see I could have such foods and not let it add to me. I was so close to becoming the perfect barbie. Yet I realized what was happening. I heard the voice of my one friend in my head. "You're amazing just the way you are! Anyone who doesn't see that can go screw themselves!" I stopped and slowly became my old self again. I am terrified of getting the flu though because when I do throw up my body remembers and even after I recover my body's gag reflex is automatic not letting me keep much down.
We all want to be beautiful and perfect. We all want to look like the girls in the magazines that are doctored to be even skinnier than they actually are. We don't realize that we don't have to exercise every little calorie or purge. Yes it is important to stay healthy but, bulemia and anorexia are disorders that can KILL. Every woman, man, and young adult, I know this is easier said than done, believe me, I battle with it still, but you don't have to be the ideal look. You are perfect just the way you are! Fight with me please, if we could only see what those that care about us do...